A new poll published today has brought bad news for Prime Minister Tony Abbott, showing that he has fallen to a new low of 14% in the preferred Prime Minister ratings. With only 12 months until the federal election things look dire for the embattled Mr Abbott.

A keen fisherman and an unnamed Coalition source said: “Let me put it this way … more Australians would rather see Tony culled than Great White sharks!” he said, stifling a laugh with his hand. “I’m not lying … it’s a numbers game, mate.”

The unnamed source offered to hook The (un)Australian up to fibre-to-node internet as long as his name was kept out of the story. It should be noted that no Coalition MPs have suggested setting drumlines anywhere near the PMs office or in his electorate.

“No,” the unnamed coalition source, “nobody is suggested anything like that … Is that even possible? Might…